it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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