Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
