I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
