he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
