Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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