I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
