therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can text with my tongue
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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