he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
