Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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