I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
