my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
