i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
