i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
