I think i sorta joined a cult last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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