I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
