I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
