I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
