I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
