I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
