maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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