OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
