My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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