Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
