i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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