I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
