we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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