Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
