Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
