if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize