According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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