Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
