wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
