I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
