Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
