Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
