Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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