i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
