I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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