thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
