She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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