All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
