oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
