using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
