Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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