I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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