Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
