we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
