so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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