Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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