Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
