Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
BRING THE BAGELS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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