I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
